i cant believe that i actually mistakenly called my friend '**' which is a short-form for my ex-boyf thrice when i was chilling with them. its scary to think of it, but i guess, i have to not think much about it.

frankly speaking, i couldnt care much ishadi mia-ing and told everyone that im the bad one, cos he disappeared far too many times in my life only to return to me, as and when he loves to. As much as i love him, he took me for granted. i dont remember you telling me that you wanna break up with me cos all you've ever did was to keep disappearing. thanks love, for the fake love you gave me :)

honestly speaking, im just too tired to think about all this. the more i tried to seek my happiness, the more hurt i get. i dont see a point of me kept getting hurt when i wanna be happy.

if loving someone will only end up hurting me, why do i need to fall in love?
why do i need to be a lovable and a stick-to-1-policy girlfriend to anyone out there?
i dont need a boyfriend BUT I NEED BOYS FRIENDS.

im tired. if ever i fell in love again, that would be a miracle :P